Who Am I

‘Who Am I?’                                                                                                                   Written in 2013

No, I am not going to dwell on Ramana Maharishi’s contemplations ‘Who Am I’. This is a puzzle. Find out ‘Who am I’.

And the Clues are:

People (some) consider me the embodiment of virtues, the most honest being, in a gang of over a billion dishonest members. Have they forgotten the old saying ‘tell me who your friends are, I will tell you who you are?’ Some of my friends – not very close – have spent years in jail, even at the enquiry stage, for lootings under my stewardship, some – very close – are waiting to be interned and many more waiting to be unmasked. May be soon for convenience and minimizing the man millage movement, my group meetings may be held at the fortified premises at Thihar. The value of the loots – planned and executed ably under my directions – already in public domain, is fast reaching values comparable to budget and plan allocations, who knows may be from the next budget we will have a column for this too and the next five year plans will specify the figures for this for the period, for which I expect to continue to be in business.

Off course, I am an acclaimed financial wizard and no doubt the figures of my achievements are historic. The rate of inflation, scams, suicide by formers, number of my associates visiting jails across the country off and on, some of them have spent more time in jail than their constituency, number of days of business lost due to the elements who cannot appreciate my effort to boost these figures further are just some of the most visible. Even the conversion rate of US dollars and the sensex have never seen the kind of surge as during my command. The explosive increase in dollar value – meaning the lowering of rupee value – is a great achievement as also the shooting up of sensex – meaning money flows from the tiny pockets of the hungry aam adhmi in to the huge coffers of the rich and mighty. The number of millionaires has zoomed during my tenure, but the only minor hitch is that the million of today is only a tiny fraction of the million of yester years.

I officially head a very large democratic gathering though no one has elected me ever to that post. People say ‘you represent us’ but I actually represent US. I was actually deputed by the boss of the federation of corporate houses of the west – some ignoramus call him the ‘President’ – to look after their interest in a huge as yet un explored market. The market for their – west’s – cosmetics, nuclear equipments, seeds, cars, cell-phones et all had reached saturation levels and they wanted to invade a 3 times larger market. They had already appointed one of my close friends as the boss after he successfully eliminated the chain of earlier bosses who preferred the local and Asian – Eurasian to be more accurate – products. With him, I was to make policy changes that would ensure the explosion of the market for their wares for which they will do the necessary publicities like declaring our women the most beautiful et all. To obviate detection they will credit my remuneration in my accounts spread over the tax havens. I was not satisfied with the offer. But they assured me, it is in my hands to enhance the value by increasing the exchange rate of dollars, which I have done successfully and everybody – I mean all the dollar earners, a small fraction of the whole population though, the rest mean nothing to me – are happy about it.  As my cut from this contract is so huge, I decided not to take any cut in local dealings and left it to my associates to loot, making it all the more difficult to detect my color. Thus I am painted all white. I am not talking about my beard.

Some fools tell me that cosmetics are a drain on the resources of many and harmful to the skin. They don’t appreciate that I am trying to make this land a beautiful paradise. They say nuclear power is not green as is being portrayed but blood red, N power plants are veritable time bombs that too nuclear one, a disaster waiting to happen with potential to wipe out a large section of the population and bio diversity. They don’t seem to realize the great potential of N plants to reduce the population of this over populated land mass. GM seeds again are being opposed. How else to ensure that the poor remain so? The pesticides used have not been very effective on the pest called aam adhmi. The GM seeds inc and N equipment inc have promised us their seeds and equipments will ensure reducing the population by half within 25 years. What else will do it so quickly? Oh are they missing a point. An increase in market for their seeds and equipments will mean a reduction in population which will mean a reduction in the market for their cosmetics and throw a spanner in to our works. I will speak to my master this night. ‘Ass! (Aswin) remind me at 11.59 O clock’.

FDI in retail, they say will wipe out our traders. After all they are an inefficient lot. Even Mahatma Gandhi said ‘every post should be filled by the most meritorious’ and the western retail giants are more deserving than the local blocs. Money will flow westward – and inflation and dollar value will go northward. Will it not be great to see our wealth flowing to west? We can after all claim we are feeding the west.  

The LPG regime I introduced earlier fuelled the economy – some disgruntled elements say it burnt the local economy to ashes – and look now we are helping averting the collapse of the western economy. Thus my efforts have far reaching consequences and we can be proud of supporting the largest economy in the world. The local industries have died as they are not competitive. The uneconomic activity called agriculture is being methodically wiped out to ensure that more economically viable western factory made food available in plenty for the survivors. There may be some collateral damages though. After all only three hundred and fifty thousand farmers have committed suicide – a small fraction of the nearly 90 crore rural population. Look at the positive side of it. We have reduced the population that much. Hail agriculture as being one single sector achieving such a feet.

Some say I have betrayed the aam adhmi. But the Am adhmi like me like no one else. That only counts.

I deserve a place in ‘Guiness’ for making 1.2 billion people ‘Ginnies’ (Ginny pigs)

Aye, you are still not able to guess who I am? Thank you for your support. I count upon your support for another term.

To avoid being identified by hand writing, I am getting this noted by Raja Rajan who is not a friend of mine for sure.

A dream confession jotted by K. Raja Rajan.

(A technologist by qualification, a farmer by option and a Gandhian by conviction)